100 red flags

  1. Flatter people they want to impress by giving them an inordinate amount of compliments, flattery, attention, money, gifts or time — while leaving their preferred abuse target feeling left out, estranged, alienated, disrespected, unloved, unwanted, and comprehensively feeling unappreciated; the game is used to manufacture sibling rivalries and triangulations that keep the abusive parent holding all the emotional validation cards. 
  2. Simply cannot admit faults or flaws; and mean it seriously. They are never wrong. They wouldn’t know the truth if it hit them in the head.
  3. The ultimate hypocrites and situational abusers, narcissists are not true to values and norms of society; they are lacking in character.
  4. Compulsively by both habit and nature tend to disrespect you overtly as well as covertly; they do not return your telephone call(s), ignore you, and avoid you unless they themselves want or need something, treating you in an utterly dismissive fashion when and if you need something, an explanation of their cause of their behavior, but hawking your tail when they are aggrieved.
  5. They refuse to deal with issues in the relationship that you bring up including but not at all limited to their role in the family as grandparent, Mother-In-Law, or aging senior citizen as parent.
  6. Blame you for their errant of callous actions when you’re inevitably upset because of something they did to you or failed to do that directly impacted you, your family, your romantic partner, or the kids.
  7. May present themselves as overly agreeable (even doting) at first when and if plans are being made, but inevitably they always find a way not to respectfully cooperate. 
  8. Unilaterally try to make YOU feel guilty when you’re concerned about something they did to directly disrespect you; masterful at blame shifting, they perpetually expect apology from their victims.
  9. Use ridiculing or shaming “humor” to invalidate and disempower other people; tend to enjoy teaming up to make fun of their offspring, doing things like making fun of voice, face, or life decisions in a ridiculing mock-joking but sincerely cruel, sadistic, and ultimately demoralizing of all possible manners. 
  10. Puts you down or leaves everyone around them consistently feeling both unappreciated and insulted. 
  11. Blames the world and anyone else they can think of for their problems — especially their spouse, parents, any people they stereotype, and their own children. 
  12. Shows up late for appointments, pulls disappearing acts without warning, or cancels plans without warning or valid excuse — typically always at important times or at the last minute. 
  13. Expects you to always come to them, do for them, bring for them — rather than offering any reciprocity or adult versions of respectful social dynamics of “give-and-take”. 
  14. Does not listen to your concerns about the relationship or interactions. 
  15. They are actively addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, etc… and do not care about the effects of these behaviors on the mental and emotional health of their offspring. 
  16. Need an inordinate amount of attention or high regard from those around them. 
  17. They are continually worried about position or rank. 
  18. They are overly competitive. 
  19. They put you down in any way. 
  20. Try to make you envious by rubbing your nose in their good fortune.
  21. Seem to be envious of you. 
  22. Set-up outings with your other friends without inviting you. 
  23. Try to create triangles by involving 3rd parties into your disagreements. 
  24. Talk behind your back or gossip about others. 
  25. Continually down, depressed and having catastrophes. 
  26. Try to leave you out of the crowd. 
  27. Refuse to acknowledge your needs.
  28. Fail to look you in the eye when you’re talking. (Look over your shoulder at others instead.) 
  29. Lack of empathy and compassion.
  30. Refuses to share about themselves equally. 
  31. Label you or stereotype you. 
  32. Refuses to acknowledge mistakes.
  33. Refuses to apologize for wrongs. 
  34. Acts entitled to special treatment. 
  35. Manipulative. 
  36. Lies, exaggerates constantly. 
  37. Downplays your accomplishments.
  38. By your side when you’re down, then withdraws from you when you’re doing well. 
  39. Defensive about everything they do. 
  40. Refuse to validate your perception of reality. 
  41. Attempt to tell you how you feel or tell you how you are. 
  42. Criticize constantly.
  43. They act like they worship the ground you walk on one day, then like you don’t exist the next. 
  44. Makes you feel worthless. 
  45. Orders you or bosses you around.
  46. Are overly reliant on other people.
  47. Won’t go out of their way for you, even when you go out of your way for them. 
  48. Ignore your texts, emails or calls at any time as a covert method of showing abject disrespect.
  49. Don't support you socially or emotionally more than physically or financially.
  50. Belittles your ambitions. 
  51. Speaks negatively about your friends, job, life. 
  52. Acts like they are always in a hurry, with very little time for you.  
  53. Acts as if they are doing you a favor by talking to you or listening to you. 
  54. Treats you as less than if you do not prescribe to their dogma, religion or doctrine. 
  55. Talks bad about those who are mentally ill, sick or hurting.
  56. Tries to turn you into their administrative assistant (call to remind me, pick-up my cleaning). 
  57. Confusing attitudes that change day-by-day.
  58. Does not keep their word (hardly ever) or answers a direct yes or no request for a promise with a dismissive remark like “We’ll see…” (meaning any request will be ignored and other person’s need invalidated). 
  59. Seems to be more interested in power than in the relationship.
  60. Seems to be more concerned about what others think than about your relationship.
  61. Treats you as though she is angry, without giving an explanation.
  62. Knowingly makes comments that are contrary to your convictions in order to bait or slight you.
  63. Tries to change you.
  64. Insults your body, clothing, personality or anything about you.
  65. Not available when you need her most.
  66. Cannot talk about anything other than surface, materialistic or vain topics.
  67. Does not do what you want to do. Always needs to control your time together.
  68. Does not share information with you that they have that may help you excel in life.
  69. Constantly complains or whines.
  70. Has anger issues, rages, hates.
  71. Plays games such as striving to triangulate you with family and family, meddling in your marriage, or striving to estrange you from your own children.
  72. Narcissists are relentlessly judgmental, knowing better than God.    
  73. Continues to ask the same question after you’ve told them you don’t want to answer it.
  74. Chews you out or makes snide comments routinely as a “stress reliever” for their own tensions (typically while striving to make themselves feel more in control of life or powerful).
  75. Controlling every aspect of social interactions — constantly demanding, always spoiling a positive mood by intentionally setting an attention-grabbing tone.
  76. Uses money, withholding of affection, or flattery to control you.
  77. Tells you what to do, how to think, what to feel.
  78. Tells you one thing, then denies she said it or pathologically lies at will to their own advantage; convenient memory syndrome.
  79. Brings up your faults, flaws or past mistakes constantly while never once admitting or factoring in the potential influence on you of their own.
  80. Brings up topics every time you see them that they know you’d rather not discuss.
  81. Blows up, flies off the handle for no reason.
  82. Always needs to be in the center of attention and in command.
  83. Cool toward you when you succeed, get attention or look good.
  84. Taker who is never pleased or satisfied with what they get.
  85. Challenges everything you say. *provoking anger
  86. Negative, undermining, always critical.
  87. Black or white thinking – no gray area.
  88. Moves too fast, wants to become instant friends, lovers, in relationships.  
  89. Ignores your human rights boundaries consistently and without apparent remorse. 
  90. Exploits you for her own personal gain, always at your expense of time, emotion, and physical labor. 
  91. Idealizes you (setting up her own imaginary version of who or what she thinks you should have been capable of doing or should as a personality type should be), then thrashes you for not meeting “expectations”.
  92. Acts pompous towards you. 
  93. Acts condescending towards you.
  94. Agrees with your adversaries instead of supporting you.
  95. Acts like they know more than you, better than you about what you need to do in your life.
  96. Bitter, vindictive or vengeful. 
  97. Selfish, stingy, or petty.
  98. Rushes you to make major and minor life decisions without considering giving you time to figure things out on your own and make decisions in your own best interest.
  99. Withholds affection or engages in a pattern of providing intermittent reinforcement.
  100. Kicks you hardest and most mercilessly whenever you come to them for advice or when they even begin to suspect you’re psychologically, physically, or emotionally down. 


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